To love is to grieve. When a baby dies, all hope is lost…it feels unnatural to outlive your baby. You may experience excruciating pain, anger, guilt, and depression, but we must remember to move through those feelings. When we refuse to go through and release these emotions it manifests in our physical being. We carry the trauma in the tissues of our bodies and within our womb. The sooner we breathe into this pain, the sooner we emerge.
“How did you get into that?!” is usually the first question I get asked once someone finds out that I was a surrogate mother. This closely followed by, “…and you did it how many times??”
As I approached my mid-30s, conversations with my friends became more and more about the risks and difficulties of having children after the age of 35. Suddenly something clicked and my age became real and unavoidable. The desire that had always been a bit lacking finally kicked in, and I knew that I wanted to have children of my own.
hinking back to that super-uncomfortable “birds and the bees” conversation you likely had when you were younger, it was very clear that it takes a sperm and an egg to create a baby. Yet when couples are trying to conceive unsuccessfully, often the “cause” is assumed to be due to the female partner. The assumption is magnified if the woman is considered to be in the category of advanced maternal age. If we all know that “it takes two to tango”, then why is there so much focus on woman’s nutrition and lifestyle when trying to conceive and not the man’s?
Although I have never been shy about sharing my experiences, I have largely kept my true feelings to myself. I’ve decided that for myself and for other women who are in my shoes, I need to break the silence of infertility. This is how I really feel…