My name is Lauren. My husband and I are trying to conceive baby number two.
A little bit about me.
I am currently 39 years old. I became pregnant for the first time very easily at age 38 after only two cycles. Sadly, our son Presley was stillborn 9 months later– just one day before his due date. Our world completely stopped. Our hopes and dreams for our future family were shattered.
In the months that passed, we mourned the loss of our son, began the healing process and tried to push forward. My husband, Michael, and I had many conversations about trying again, and we always ended up back at “YES”. We wanted to continue to grow our family despite the trauma and fear that came with losing our son, we were not just ready to give up our dream.
We got the go ahead to start trying again from my doctor in January of this year. He was optimistic we would get pregnant quickly, but also told us not to stress if things didn’t happen as fast as they did the first time. Yeah, right! Of course I was stressed. Pregnancy loss made me doubt myself and doubt my body. Getting pregnant was not a problem for me before before but I just assumed it would be now.
And then there’s the age thing…
I had just turned 39, and that ticking clock was louder than ever. We tried and tried…one cycle, two cycles, three and so on. After our 5th cycle and no pregnancy, my doctor sent my husband in for a semen analysis. It came back with good results so we discussed starting fertility treatments. I will never forget that phone call. My doctor went though the next 6 months or more of my life, describing every treatment that we could try if the one before did not work. After I got off the phone I cried. Why wasn’t my body working? We made a baby less than two years ago naturally, and now we are talking about the possibility of IVF?
How does this even happen?
I had spent the months we were not getting pregnant scouring the internet for reasons why and methods to help. I’ve read and re-read every article about natural and medical options to assist the TTC process so when my doctor suggested Clomid as our first step, I was not surprised. Barring potions with snakes and frogs, I was ready to try anything! I began my first clomid cycle in June. Excited and anxious, I took one pill a day on days 3-7 of my cycle. I experienced all the side effects that I read about and had heard friends talk about: headaches, sore breasts, cramping, oh and those mood swings. I thought, “Great! It must be working!” I even felt a little like I did when I was pregnant, and I was actually kind of enjoying it. I went in for an ultrasound on the 12th day of my cycle to monitor the follicle growth and boom, more bad news. My doctor said my body had not responded the way he’d like and it’s time to move up the dose. My follicles were not the size he wanted them to be. He said my husband and I should still try this cycle because there is always a chance. All I heard was that, once again, my body failed.
I cried, ate poorly and cried some more for 24 hours, then I shook It off and I was back up on the TTC horse. I was back to eating healthy, exercising, peeing on ovulation sticks and once I saw that dark line, it was time to make a baby! I read a bunch of articles about couples who were told their Clomid cycle failed but then they got pregnant–that helped me keep hope alive. Two weeks later, my period came. Another let down, but I was ready to order my new prescription and try again. So, here we are. I start my second round of Clomid in 2 days and I am feeling optimistic, excited and ready to go.
Let’s do this…Stay tuned!