When you’re on what seems like a powerless journey, it can be easy to defer to Google, websites like WebMD, FB groups and infertility chat rooms to get reassurance, validation and hope that your worst fears won’t be confirmed. It’s valid and necessary to be able to talk about what you’re going through and to be as informed about your situation as possible.
Here’s the tricky part…
When we search for answers outside of ourselves, we are coming from an energetic deficit. We begin to operate from fear versus intuition.
We forget that we are individuals and can’t help but compare ourselves to all the stories we see online. We feel like failures compared to the success stories we see and become scared when we hear stories of miscarriages or failed IVFs. We feel compelled to try all kinds of supplements, diets, and standing on our heads after sex because it worked for someone else online. We are constantly trying to do more or try harder.
The group chats I have been on seeking help and answers are breeding fear because everyone wants the same thing and are all so scared to lose it. This fear continues to fuel our insecurities and feelings of not being or doing enough. Our brains are hooked on needing action items to do so we can feel that we are working hard enough to achieve our goal. We can’t help but get hooked on the statistics, so we grasp at straws hoping that the next recommendation will be THE thing that works.
In all this, we completely forget about the innate capabilities that we possess, which is so easy to do. We are taught to defer to the doctors, get information online, or listen to what other people and family members think because we’re at a loss and not sure why we can’t solve it. We relentlessly hunt for answers outside of ourselves.
The key to moving through this journey is to take back your power where you can–and that starts with you. Googling only fuels your fear. So we need to begin to trust ourselves about what we need to do next or what our bodies need.
Here are some ways to start trusting yourself and your own intuition:
1. Have a note on or near your laptop as a reminder to not Google what is scaring you. As Type-A people we tend to want to research the hell out of things to make our brain feel better. It’s our default setting. So have a reminder nearby that will give you an opportunity to make a different choice.
2. Play some soothing music or burn some sage. Take several deep breaths, dropping down into your body and ask, “What do you need me to know?” Don’t be attached to an epic answer. Write down what comes to you–it may make sense later. Be open to the fact that you may see a color, visual, sentence, or nothing at all at first. Don’t force it. But do inquire for a couple of minutes every day. It helps our energy be in a place of allowing versus “hunting”. Not only does that take way less energy and stress, it makes the journey a lot less painful.
3. If you ARE needing guidance or someone to talk to about this–don’t go to the drama queen friend or the anxious family member as they will only make things worse. Seek someone who is a calming influence–preferably a coach, therapist or doctor you feel comfortable with. It’s essential to be able to talk about your journey. You just need to be in as supportive an environment as possible.
4. Write a list of the achievements/victories in your life. Look at all areas: health, work, relationships, etc. Your brain wants to see that you have a track record of achieving things in the past. Take each thing on the list, put your hand over your heart, close your eyes and say each thing 3 times. Focusing on where you’ve been proud, powerful and successful in the past helps you be in that energy in the present.
5. Write a list of why you are capable of doing this. What do you have going for you. For example: I have a regular cycle, good relationship, am financially stable, I am kind and loving, etc. Implement a mantra of “I am capable”. We need to keep reminding our brain of why we are capable of doing this. We cannot make a human if we don’t truly feel capable.
6. Examine the food and supplements you’re taking. Most times on this fertility journey we are taking these external things because we are told we should or we think we should. “Should” is a tricky energy. It’s an energy of obligation, fear, and feelings of not being enough. So instead we want to ask ourselves, “Does this FEEL good for me to take?” When we feel the answer, we are in our own intuition and not making a decision out of fear. So close your eyes and ask, does this FEEL good for me to ingest? If yes, do it!! If not, it doesn’t matter if it worked for Susie online, it’s not what you need.
7. Notice the signals your body is giving you. Many of my clients feel a little ping in their ovary when they’re ovulating. Checking cervical mucous versus ovulation sticks which can exacerbate our fear of failure. This involves trusting your body ,and that may take time. Your body knows what to do. See if you can pay attention to what your body is telling you. The more you listen, the more you will hear.
When plugged into your intuition, you have the innate ability to KNOW what’s best for your body and what your next move should be. Don’t discount your own abilities. No one will ever know you better than you. You don’t need Google to do this. You simply need to be able to believe in you!
All the best on your journeys, mamas.